My Yes in the Secret Place

If my life has impact, it is not because of my strength, or my wisdom, or my talent. If my life bears fruit, it is not because of my wit, or my humor, or my intelligence. If my life makes a difference, it is not because I was brave, or bold, or beautiful.

It’s because I was transformed.

It’s because I said yes to God and He gave me a new heart.

I don’t mean to imply that God didn’t create me with meaningful talents. He is a creative God, and He made me in His image. He instilled in me a love for writing, and dancing, and painting. He delights in my love for music, and reading, and storytelling. He gifted me with an ability to organize, and strategize, and simplify complex ideas. And I can passionately steward all of these gifts to serve His Kingdom.

But I could never know enough, or do enough, or be enough on my own; in fact, I would snap under the very pressure. Every perceived self-achievement pales in comparison to experiencing my King’s resurrection power working in me. The most meaningful words I have ever uttered, or written, or sung have been the ones He spoke to and through me.

Which is why the best thing I can offer people is my surrender to a loving God who wants to encounter them.

Because even though I loved people, I didn’t know how to lay down my life for them until I came to know Jesus, who laid down His for me. I didn’t know how to speak boldly—or even what to say—until I experienced the power of Holy Spirit, who teaches me what it means to be a child of God. I didn’t know how to forgive the unforgivable until I was enveloped in the very heart of the God who already has.

I didn’t know how to look outside of myself and really see people until I asked God for His eyes. I didn’t know how to get past my own experiences and really hear people until I asked God for His ears. I didn’t know how to lay down my comfort and really serve people until I asked God for His hands.

Only now do I have eyes that won’t look away from the pain, ears that refuse to ignore the cries, and hands that will never stop reaching for those who just need to know that someone cares enough to hold on.

Only now does Jesus get the fullness of what He paid for the day He purchased me with His blood—my wholeness, my freedom, my salvation, my sanctification, my eternity. His bride.

Only now do I understand the magnitude of bearing God’s light and image and inviting the Spirit of God to indwell, and empower, and sanctify.

So, if my children one day ask what I want them to remember about me, my answer would be:

My yes to God.

Not my yes when it was convenient, or my yes to letting go of things I never wanted in the first place. But my yes when all my cards were on the table, and I came up short, and He called me anyways.

My yes at any cost.

My yes in the secret place—when the fire fell and my soul ignited.

It is not I who lives, but Christ who lives in me.

And He is worth every yes. 

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