Drowning: A Testimony

I’m honored to share this beautiful testimony from my sweet friend, Tiffany, who will always hold a special place in my heart. She was my daughter’s nanny for two years, and my husband and I consider her part of our family. Every single day, she was intentional about showing my baby girl the love of Jesus and I will be forever thankful.

For out of His fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. – John 1:16

“The Lord keeps giving me a vision of being in the middle of an ocean. I’m treading water and barely surviving. There’s no land in sight; nowhere to go. I begin to get more and more exhausted as I try to carry my life on my shoulders. My past crashes over me like a wave. The pain of sexual abuse, fear, and unworthiness creep into my lungs while I desperately fill them with air. I push my head under the water every few seconds to rest. But then I pop back up, gasping for air, and take up the weight again. I never stay down long enough to let the water fill my lungs.

The funny thing is, I feel much more alive and free under the water. When I’m on the surface, I am trying to carry the weight of all my responsibilities on my shoulders, but that weight stays at the top of the water when I go underneath. The expectations I feel like I need to uphold can’t follow me under the water. When I let go and rest underneath the cool, silky sea, the Lord envelopes me in His grace, which, in turn, brings me life.

I don’t stay underwater too long, though, because the air is what I am accustomed to, and the oxygen is what the world tells me I need. It is ridiculous to think that I would rather experience what’s “normal” instead of what is life-giving. But isn’t that so like what we all try to do.

The only way to survive the weight of my past is to lose myself in the ocean of God’s grace. Therefore, I must defy logic, let go, and let myself drown in Him. I must choose to live in grace every day by calling out the lies for what they are and then speaking His truths over myself:

• Lie: I am unworthy of love because I was sexually abused by my biological father.
• Truth: I am a child of God, made in His image.
• Lie: I am a victim of fear because of my circumstance.
• Truth: I am more than a conqueror because through Him I am made strong.

The reality is that every time I stop relying on Him, my mind is going to tell me to come up for air. Instead I must throw off my fear and run to Jesus, letting Him bring me life and letting Him be my very oxygen. If you try to carry your own burdens, you’re going to drown one way or another. I encourage you to drown in Him, living deeply in His grace, love, and freedom.”