My dad baptized me when I was a child, but I spent years doubting my salvation and wondering if it had worked. I would ask adults in my life if I was going to Heaven, and they always gave me the same response: I can’t answer that for you. As someone who likes black and white answers, I hated that nobody could assure me I was saved.
Whenever I thought about Judgment Day, my stomach would drop, and it was like I could hear a voice telling me: “You will be judged, and you will fall short.” I tried hard to make my good outweigh my bad, but I always felt like the devil had a trump card. Shame would creep down my spine when I thought about my sins being brought up before a Holy God. And because I doubted my salvation, I also doubted His forgiveness. The emotional weight of that doubt was crippling, and it leaked into other areas of my life. I started to believe every negative thing that happened in my life was a direct punishment for my sin, and I never took any of my pain to God, because I was afraid it’s what I deserved. Not only did this hinder my relationship with Him, but it also kept me from ever sharing the Gospel. I didn’t feel equipped or qualified to tell other people about God when I wasn’t even sure where I stood with Him.
I remember reading in Genesis 15 one day and feeling a spark of solidarity with Abraham (Abram at the time) when He responded to God’s promise with a question: “But how will I know?” I had never related to a Biblical character more—that was the same question I asked every time I heard a pastor talk about salvation:
But how will I know?
I read over the verse again, and this time, it stood out to me that this was a conversation between Abraham and God. Abraham wasn’t just lamenting about being uncertain; he was asking his question directly to God. In one of those lightbulb moments, it hit me that in all of my years of doubt, I had never come to God seeking assurance. Instead, I avoided Him because of my feelings of guilt. But here was Abraham—standing before God and asking questions. So, cautiously, I stopped reading and prayed: God, please help me know the truth.
After my prayer, I continued reading and saw that immediately after Abraham asked the question, God provided him with an answer. Scripture says that God came down from Heaven and made a covenant with Abraham. Then He spoke to Abraham, and His first words were, “Know for certain…”
Reading those three words, I was in awe of a God who would come down and meet Abraham at His faith level. I couldn’t believe that the creator of the universe was willing to make an unbreakable promise so that Abraham could walk into his calling with confidence.
Then, in my spirit, God told me: I did the same for you.
And it finally clicked that He came down from Heaven for me, too. He made an unbreakable promise to me on the Cross when Jesus took all of my sins and nailed them to a tree.
I have two babies—my whole world—and when we talk about salvation, this is what I tell them:
I declare with my mouth that Jesus is Lord, and I believe in my heart that God raised Him from the dead.
- I know for certain I am saved because my salvation is not dependent on my works.
- I know for certain I am redeemed because Jesus finished His work and paid my debt in full.
- I know for certain I am forgiven because the blood of Jesus covers me.
- I know for certain I am worthy because Jesus never falls short.
- I know for certain I am loved because God has said that He loves me with an everlasting love.
- And I know for certain I am called to much more than a life of uncertainty.
So, by faith, I lay down any doubt and pick up the truth that nothing can separate me from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus.
Grace Waves 