What’s one thing that dramatically changed your walk with Jesus?
For me, it was learning to distinguish between true despair and self-despair. As many of you know, I grew up ensnared in addiction. Trying to live a Christian life looked a lot like this:
- Sin.
- Try to stop.
- Fail.
- Despair.
I spent over a decade stuck in that cycle, despairing of ever living a life for Jesus or breaking my addiction. I was sure that anything good the Lord had planned for my life had been ruined.
Guilt, shame, exhaustion, and failure were the primary emotions I associated with Jesus. The future seemed bleak, but learning about self-despair (and the love of God) finally turned things around for me.
Despair says:
“I will never break this cycle. I will never have a future. I will never be good enough.”
Self-despair says:
“I cannot break this cycle; it is completely outside of my power. But You already knew that, God. Which is why You sent Your Son to die for me and Your Spirit to dwell in me, that the same power that raised Christ from the dead might live in me. I cannot, but You can. Not me, but Christ in me. My failure does not push You away, but instead draws You closer, that Your power may be made perfect in my weakness.”
Changing my internal conversation also changed my cycle to look like this:
- Sin.
- Try to stop.
- Fail.
- Self-Despair.
- Dwell in the love God.
- Trust the friendship of Jesus.
- Depend on the power of Holy Spirit.
- Overcome sin.
(On good days, I even remember to skip steps two and three.)
Breaking addiction looks like falling in love with God and falling out of love with the things of this world, but I couldn’t fall in love with someone I spent my time hiding from. Despair doesn’t leave room for love.
Thankfully, the God of the Bible isn’t surprised by my shortcomings, and He isn’t turned away by my failures. Jesus is a friend to sinners and a savior to sufferers. He knows who He died for and promises that, “He who began a good work within you will bring it to completion.” Falling in love with Him? Game changer.
For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good. - Titus 2:11-14, NIV
Grace Waves 