Ministry has not looked the way I hoped it would.
It has not been a beautiful series of home runs for the Kingdom of God. I can’t count the number of times I’ve dropped the ball, struck out, or thrown my bat in a fit of unsportsmanlike conduct. [And that sums up everything I know about baseball.]
Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed and completely out of my depth when entering into someone’s grief or trauma. Sometimes, I feel like there are not enough hours in the day or days in the week.
Sometimes, I feel like a bad mom—like when I find out my five-year-old has been going around saying, “Little slappy, make daddy happy?” when asking for a high five. [I’m SO SORRY, world!]
Sometimes, I feel like a bad wife, a bad disciple, and a bad friend. Sometimes, I forget to check in, reach out, or follow through.
But amid my fly balls, God has always shown up. And He has been gently reminding me that missing the mark is not what causes a ministry to fail. What causes a ministry to fail is allowing it to become my first love instead of Christ.
When I feel like I’m failing, I can get so focused on getting things done and checking off boxes that people become projects, and my time with Jesus slides lower and lower on the priority list.
Matt and I chose the name Kingdom Overflow Ministries as a constant reminder that everything we pour out has to come from an overflow of what we receive. His love poured into our hearts (Romans 5:5) is what allows us to love others in the first place. So, our focus needs to be set on receiving His love, learning to love Him more, and then learning to love like Him more.
He is not concerned with our capacity (or lack thereof) to plan conferences, host worship nights, or take on projects—He’s concerned with our capacity to love well. And our capacity to love well is directly proportional to the amount of time we spend with Him in the secret place.
So tonight, I remind my soul that it’s okay to miss the mark, and I remember my promise to make every day a love gift to God.
Instead of pushing myself to get more done, or pour more out, I remember that His pleasure is not found in my performance but in me simply bringing my [disappointed, frazzled, frustrated] heart before Him.
The best thing I can do for the ones I love is head back to the dugout and take time to tuck up with Him so He can fill me back up to overflowing.
I am a daughter of the King.
Tonight, I will sit with my coach.
And tomorrow, I will come out swinging.
Grace Waves 