I was at lunch with a friend this week, talking about the things the Lord is teaching us in this season. She said one of her recent prayers was, “Lord, thank you for letting me fall short, so I know where the end of me is.”
It was a gut punch.
Because I hate when I fall short.
I hate when I let people down.
I hate when I miss the mark.
Sometimes I lament that I didn’t read the terms and conditions of “being in ministry” closely enough, because falling short is what I spend a lot of my time doing.
When people said ministry was messy, I naively assumed it was because you had to wade in to other people’s messes. (HA!)
Ministry is messy because you have to deal with your own mess.
- You have to admit that sometimes you make things worse instead of better.
- You have to come before God (often) with open hands and an open heart and say, “Show me where I need to repent, and show me where I need to let go.”
- You have to watch people walk away, and wonder if you could have tried harder or loved deeper.
- You have to be willing to get it wrong before you can ever learn to get it right.
- You have to know that sometimes your own wounds can become exposed when you try to help bind the wounds of others.
- You have to let your heart break, and sometimes you even have to let it stay broken for a while.
That’s why ministry is messy—
Because we are.
Falling short and letting people down is hard. But one thing it absolutely does is bring you to the end of yourself. And that is the best place to be if you want to live a life that glorifies Jesus.
When I am at the end of myself, I am at the beginning of grace. When I am broken-hearted, He draws even closer. When my wounds are exposed, He cleans them out and wraps them Himself. When I get things wrong, He corrects me with gentleness. When people walk away, He holds me close. When I repent, I’m forgiven without reservation. When I make things worse, He shields my heart from shame. And when I am stuck in my own mess, He meets me there—time and time again—with unfailing and unflinching love.
At the end of the day, Christ in me is the only thing I have to give that is worth anything at all.
So, thank you, Jesus, for letting me fall short. Thank you for helping me find the end of myself. And thank you for always meeting me there.
“But He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you [My lovingkindness and My mercy are more than enough—always available—regardless of the situation]; for [My] power is being perfected [and is completed and shows itself most effectively] in [your] weakness.” Therefore, I will all the more gladly boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ [may completely enfold me and] may dwell in me.”
2 Corinthians 12:9, AMP
Grace Waves 